Talk:Who Do You Think You Are/@comment-4054146-20131026104901/@comment-3122348-20131026115836
I'm not Muslim myself, in fact, my whole family is atheist but my parents are intent in me knowing that dating is forbidden in their household until I reach adulthood (which is legally 18 in Australia), so you're definitely not alone. In my case, it's my parents choosing to add parts of traditional Chinese culture into my upbringing while raising me in a predominantly Western society. Despite being atheist, I did study theology for a short amount of time in high school and I completely understand the importance haram plays in most Muslim's lives as it is the highest level of prohibition in the Islam religion. Do you happen to have a close relationship with your older sister? I myself also have a sister who's six years my senior and she does enjoy bending the rules that my parents set. Like myself, she wasn't allowed to date a boy before she was 18 years old and in university however it didn't stop her from attending parties and having her first kiss before graduating from high school. My parents have no clue about that but when I found out, I felt incredibly deceived by the sister who I shared the same house with for my entire life. I can't really give you advice in regards to your crush as I have literally never had a full-blown crush on anybody before in my entire life. I'm probably the straightest person on this Wiki yet my parents sent me to an all-girls school... You see my problem? :P I can advise you to not do what I do though. I have literally 'turned off' my romantic interests in boys for the time being because I want to avoid causing any hassles and unnecessary tension within my family. I know most people on here will think I'm crazy or that it isn't fair on me to control and monitor my feelings towards the opposite sex but it was a personal decision and I'm more than ready to flick the switch back to 'on' when I graduate. I strongly suggest you don't do that though because it is incredibly difficult to maintain - I'll be honest in saying I struggle greatly doing so. I look at so many guys on a daily basis and interact with many guys but at the end of the day, I made a personal choice that was influenced by my parent's rule of not dating before 18. As for your sister dating in secret and you resisting the urge to do so, this scenario bears such a strong similarity to my friend who is currently doing that. Her sister began dating her current boyfriend when she was in Year 11 behind her parent's back. She kept their relationship hidden from them for about a year until her parents caught them together. In addition to her dating before when she was supposed to, she also dated someone of another cultural demographic - her family is Sinhalese while her boyfriend is Tamil (cultural groups in Sri Lanka) which caused so much tension as those two groups literally HATE each other. Now, my friend has followed in her sister's footsteps, dating someone before she is meant to and while I think her relationship with her boyfriend is adorable and sweet, I know that it will lead to dire consequences if her parents find out before university. Her parents can't even see eye to eye with her sister anymore and I would hate for that to result with her. Parents are tough to crack. I know first hand from parents who have restricting rules and make brash decisions but I have come to learn over time that they're in my best interest, despite how ridiculous not being able to date seems. It's a really tough situation that not many people can give a great answer to because they simply don't understand how much shame something like this brings to a family or to their parents. I'm honestly not sure what you should do. Asking you to control your feelings for this boy is definitely not fair to you, but it's not impossible as I do exactly that. In contrast, advising you to date in secret is the worst option ever because you're being dishonest to your parents. Then there is the case of dating this boy but being 100% honest with your parents the day the relationship commences. It may result in something positive but on the other hand, the most likely scenario is that you won't ever see eye to eye, especially if they are strict Muslims. Noor, I honestly feel for you right now. It's a very complex situation but make whatever decision you feel will have the best outcome in the near and far future. Is it worth dating someone, secret or not to potentially risk losing the respect of your parents or is it worth abiding by haram and your parent's and sacrifice a relationship with a boy whom may have the loveliest disposition out there. Whatever decision you make may initially come with regrets but I hope for your sake they are temporary.